Every heart needs its own love the most.
Cassandra Clare
How to focus on yourself?
If this is a question you just asked, congratulations, you are exactly where you need to be. Welcome back! Thank yourself for bringing you to this all-destructive and all-constructive question because this is the start of your real relationship with your “Inner Self,” who desperately needs your love, focus, and attention.
Before reading the actual and practical essential tips for self-focusing, let’s build your inner state and the right mindset on moving on. Please, first answer these questions sincerely:
Are you afraid of self-focused life?
Is there a resistance voice right there named Selfishness alert? I can feel the voice: most people think they are egocentric if they focus on themselves. Please forget that limiting and untrue idea and replace it with this: “If you want to give your attention and focus to your loved ones, you must give it to yourself first.” Please, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Your cup has to be full; you have to fill your life to give your overflowing energy and love. Avoid draining yourself to losing connection with your “Self.”
If you redirect your focus, are you afraid of being unloved or loved less?
This recent study shows that we have a fundamental human need for social acceptance as a survival mechanism. The rejection activates the brain parts responsible for physical pain. However, even though it may be painful, never let that fear misguide you. You do not have to burn yourself out to be accepted.
You deserve the space and the fulfillment of your own needs.
Are you willing to give a part of your most valuable resource, that is, the time of your life?
Take Your Time to be alone with yourself since only then will you have the opportunity to clear your head from the outer focus and be back on your inner journey. Even if you decide to travel for one week, month, or year for an internal journey, it is alright because you will be back with a new perspective and relaxed mind. Whatever you give to the world after your return will be pleasant and warm again, your heart will be bright and calm again, and your stand will be tall and straight again.
If you agree with these statements, pause for a moment:
stop running, breathe in “peace,” and breathe out “others.”
That is a beautiful and intimate space with your true self;
say hello to yourself and take the following practical, vital tips:
1. Self-care
Maximize self-care, and dedicate time to yourself. But please be careful and do not confuse healthy self-focus with false self-care, like we often do. Do not make a habit of procrastination or avoiding your responsibilities, mistakenly calling it “self-care.” Instead of moving to the next episode of the current tv show that “paused your life story,” holding you in the “comfort zone of inaction,” please stand up and REPLAY YOUR LIFE. Procrastination is a lack of motivation, and instant gratification is the opposite of self-care. It would help if you chose the hard road for a happier and more fulfilling destination.
2. First, focus on your basic needs and take care of your body
Food
Eat healthy homemade food, eat slowly and with intention, not while watching tv or working on the computer. Make sure to eat unprocessed and various food, including plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins in your meals to get all the essential nutrients needed for vitality and energy. It gives you a long-lasting sense of satisfaction instead of the instant food comfort of unhealthy fast food that fades away after eating it and leaves only the unpleasant consequences of drained energy and a heavy body.
Water
Drink enough water during the day. How much? There are many different opinions on how much water a person should consume daily. However, a good rule of thumb is to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. So, if you weigh 150 pounds, you would want to drink at least 75 ounces of water daily. Check out this “Daily Water Intake Calculator” to understand the perfect amount of water to drink for your body.
Substance free
Stay away from negative influences and substances, and addictions. Do not test your willpower; avoid people, places, and things that make you feel bad about yourself whenever possible. Avoid chemicals and toxins like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs as much as possible.
Sleep
Make sure you have enough sleep and sleep for 7-9 hours a night to reset your body and mind. How? Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, avoid caffeine and sugar before bed, create a relaxing bedtime routine, and keep your bedroom dark, quiet, and calm. Listen to a piece of relaxing music.
3. Novelty
Keep things fresh by doing new things, adding new approaches, and inviting things, new people, and new ways to your life.
Start by following these “Re-Start steps”:
Refresh your “friend list”
Be open to making new friends. You never know whom you will meet and how they will impact your life. So give people a chance and see how it goes. Maybe you will get some unique friend space that will fill your heart.
Restore the burnt bridges
Call in old friends who lift you and encourage you by reminding some beautiful and strong parts of you that you may have forgotten. They should inspire you, make you feel good about yourself, and make you want to be a better person.
Recharge
Do crazy things, greet strangers, laugh, send positive vibrations, and plan fun activities. Let off steam and the pressure in the workplace and family life. Have some space to recharge and come back energized and with a new perspective. We often forget how important it is to let our hair down and just be ourselves, relax, and enjoy the moment.
Remember favorite activities
Remember the things that YOU liked to do, like reading fantasy books, swimming, playing tennis, etc. Start doing those things again and add some new ones too! Remember yourself; memory is the core of your identity.
Rediscover favorite people
Sometimes novelty doesn’t mean new people; it means new ways of interacting with the same people. Fall in love with your favorite people again, focusing on their right and bright sides: try new meals, trips, conversations, and hobbies together and try to bring your best self.
Spend quality time with a family. Quit on a resentful, dull, grey, superficial, and short conversational routine at the dinner table. For example, I know a couple who used to drink wine over deep conversations hugging each other until sunrise, but now the woman drinks her glass of wine while washing the dishes, and the husband drinks his glass while watching a car race on TV. They totally forgot to have fun, connect and give each other attention and quality time. Can you recall a couple like this? Try to bring your novelty self and see if you meet a new spirit in the same person.
4. Embrace your messy self
Hug yourself and hold on
Treat yourself with kindness, gratitude, and appreciation. It is your kind of messiness that makes you perfectly unique and special. Don’t be hard on yourself by setting huge goals and waiting for immediate results. Instead, celebrate each baby step of your success, no matter how small it will seem.
Practice self-compassion
In times of failure, talk to yourself in a caring way explaining that mistakes are the natural path to achievement and never mean that you are a failure. No one knows it all. Don’t criticize yourself for what you don’t know, and focus on learning.
Be your own best friend
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give permission even to yourself to cut your wings. You wouldn’t talk to your friends the way you speak to yourself, would you? “The way you treat yourself sets the standard of treating you for others.” _ Sonya Friedman
Practice unconditional love
Love yourself not despite your flaws and imperfections but by including them. However, it doesn’t mean staying there just the way you are. It means never leaving a single unfulfilled part of your potential power till reaching your greatness. How to transform your potential into power? Never accept anything less than you are capable of being, doing, or giving.
5. Figure out your dreams based on your life values and vision.
Get better acquainted with yourself by checking in with yourself regularly. Listen to your soul. Ask yourself what it will take to get there. How can you make your dreams come true? Some questions to get you started:
What are your values?
Values are the basis of your personality and the foundation for all your decision-making crossroads. You need to prioritize between contradicting values to be able to create your life vision, first in the most powerful field of the universe, in your mind. Only after that can you make the physical embodiment of your dreams fabricated in your mind beforehand.
What is your vision? You can’t hit the target you can’t see.
Be specific, and reflect on what you want to do. In a world full of distractions, calls to action, and attention hunting, you need a road map that will remind you of what is essential and help you not lose sight of your destination. Clarity will help you to focus and use your time, energy, and resources in the most efficient way.
How can you be your best self if you don’t know what that is? How can you set goals if you are not clear about your values? How can you create a life plan if you don’t have a direction? The answer is simple; you can’t.
You absolutely can be your best self when you HAVE A VISION.
How? Imagine your future self, and visualize what your life should be like in five and ten years. Then, imagine the best version of yourself with all your desires fulfilled. What goals will bring you to the picture of your dreams in real life? Start the inner dialogue and find out what your plan is. What are the milestones of the beautiful journey you are embarking on together /with your “self”/?
Write down the goals you want to achieve and a list of steps to take to improve your life, and then start living your dreams. Learn that new hobby, start that new school, start that new business, get that dream job, or do that project you have been wanting to do or dreaming about for so long.
6. Your journal as your best friend and inner mentor
Reconnect with yourself by daily journaling. I promise you will surprise yourself with life-changing, excellent insights on your journal pages.
When you start a journal, first, you see an empty page. It is scary at first, but the beauty of that page is that it is ready to accept anything you will write about yourself, your life, and the world. It is an all-forgiving space without any judgment, a space that loves and accepts you and, more importantly, knows and understands you better than your thinking self. And on this inviting platform, you start seeing your messy ideas less scary and cluttered and start noticing patterns. Soon you will learn to deconstruct your thoughts and add or delete thoughts as if you manage or customize your mind. That is indeed a healing experience.
Besides, statistics show that we are 42 percent more likely to achieve our goals if we write them down. By writing regularly in your journal, you will get to know yourself better and better. It is an open mind to dig deeper, discover your patterns, fears, and sabotaging behaviors, and become more aware of your positive qualities, strengths, and unique gifts. Check out this list of digital journals to start your journey of self-understanding now.
7. Be your inner coach and cheerleader
If you have setbacks, try not to beat yourself up. Understand that you can’t control everything, and remind yourself that it is a process. The setback will fade away, and you will start believing in yourself again, like the sunrise after the dark; this too shall pass. Be patient with yourself, trust the process, and think that things will work out and all will be well in your life. Keep taking small steps forward; eventually, you will reach your goal.
Don’t say what not to do; instead, say WHAT TO DO,
don’t give criticism; give INSTRUCTIONS.
That is the fundamental difference between an inner critic and an inner coach.
Encourage yourself by rewarding yourself for reaching a small milestone. Please give yourself a pat on the back for all your achievements along the way, no matter how small they may seem. By doing this, you are teaching yourself that you are worthy of love and respect and that you can achieve great things. Use your favorite treats to keep you motivated, and more importantly, when you listen to negative self-talk, counter it with a positive statement about yourself.
For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so stupid,” say out loud or in your head, “I’m smart and competent,” and remember at least one example of being intelligent and competent. The more you practice this, the easier it will become to switch from negative to positive self-talk. The inner coach is the part of us that knows we are capable of great things and believes in our ability to make positive changes. When we focus on our inner coach, we open up a world of possibility. So listen to your inner coach and let them guide you on your journey to self-improvement.
8. Get out of the comparison hell
The people in your head
Avoid comparing yourself and your life to others, and do not fall into envy. But, unfortunately, it is not that easy: comparison and envy come from ignorance of your gifts and power. If you can’t control the feeling of self-comparison and catch yourself in the “envying trap,” at least try to use that feeling as a guide and a roadmap of what you desire. If you think deeper, envy is an excellent mentor to help you figure out your wish patterns and what you want to have. See and use these people who have already achieved what you want as your inspiration source. They remind you that what you desire is possible and achievable, and they give you answers, cues, and even secrets about reaching these goals too. Find out how to transform the toxic and passive feeling of envy into your source of inspiration here.
The people on close contact lists
Surround yourself with people with similar goals. For example, if you want to focus on your fitness, follow people who are also focused on their fitness and living a healthy lifestyle. If you want to focus on your business, follow people who are also entrepreneurs or business owners. Find a community of like-minded individuals who will support and encourage you on your journey. People cheering you on in your corner makes the process much more fun and manageable.
As one of the most incredible motivational speakers, Jim Rohn said:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
9. Slow down and find ways to de-stress
A break is a must on the achievement road. You should nourish and recharge your body, along with treating your soul. Try out these physical activities to relax:
Add massage to your relaxation routine
Massage can help reduce stress, anxiety, and pain and improve circulation and sleep. All of these things can help to recharge and revitalize. In addition, massage therapy lowers blood pressure and heart rate, reduces cortisol levels, and improves immune function. You can try some self-massage techniques, too, if you don’t have the resources for massage therapy.
Take a walk
Breathe in and out, and you will immediately see a change in your appearance and posture. You will clear your head by spending at least a few minutes a day outdoors. Nature has a way of recalibrating us. Walking also gets the blood flowing and helps to improve our circulation. All of these things combined will help to strengthen our focus.
Practice yoga or meditation
Turn off your buzzing mind using mindfulness power. Meditation is a form of mindfulness, which is the practice of being present at the moment and observing your thoughts without judgment. It can be done anywhere and at any time, and there are many ways to meditate. The simplest and most effective way to meditate is to focus on your breath. Yoga will increase your flexibility and strength, which are essential for overall health, joints, and muscles.
Exercise regularly
Exercise releases endorphins, which make you feel happy and energetic. Make sure to get at least 30 minutes of exercise each day. It will help you sleep better and increase your energy levels. You can get more done and feel better about yourself with more energy.
10. Free your “Self” with the power of “No.”
Free your time
Establish boundaries as your guardian. Never be a pushover. Stay in control of your life. Don’t worry about the opinion of others if that is the reason you keep doing things over your resources. Pushover people are not frankly loved or appreciated frequently; they are likely used and taken for granted. Learn to stand up for yourself.
I remember once shouting at my friends that I wanted the whole world to step back from me. They were suddenly shocked, followed by a weird silence of some minutes. But then one of them said, “Maybe it would be easier if you stepped back instead of pushing all the world away?”. And yes, she is so right; when I stepped back, I found so much time and life for my needs; I found so much of myself.
Respect your time, and value your time by saying “no” to requests that don’t align with your goals. Realize that you can’t make more time, and you should own the “Time of Your Life” wisely, which is your most important treasure.
Free your space
Take care of your environment. A well-kept house is a happy house. On the other hand, a cluttered, messy house can be depressing and overwhelming. So, take some time each day to tidy and clear out. KonMari method is magical and life-changing. Check that out if you haven’t done it yet, and I promise your whole environment will never be the same again. That would bring you harmony, and you will be surrounded by the thongs with a spark of joy, as she mentions.
Free your attention
Your brain hurts from media bombarding- social media, news, ads, calls to action, and attention hunters. Just turn them off and shift your attention to your inner self and the person you will find in the mirror. It can be for a day, a week, or even longer. During this time, focus on being present in the moment, enjoying your life without constantly checking your device, and doing the things you always postpone using the weak excuse of not having the time.
Free your heart
Let go of the past and move on since it is already history.
Let go of the hurt, pain, and anger weighing you down. Forgive yourself and others so you can live more fully in the present. Life is too short to have any grudges, resentments, and bitterness filling our inner space. Please don’t hold on to those; they are memories that don’t define you now. You are not your past. You are the present you, and you decide who you are from now on by how you react to your life experiences.
Free your life
Declutter your life from everything unnecessary, unsatisfactory, and everyone stealing your power and energy. Let go of things that don’t bring you joy, let go of people who make you feel bad about yourself, and let go of the people’s expectations and tasks. Unwind yourself, breathe.
Drop the burden; it’s heavy, as Najwa Zebian quotes: “These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.”
11. Gratitude is the antidote. Shift your focus
Shift your focus to the bright side of what you have instead of focusing on what you miss. Be grateful since it opens up space to receive more when you are thankful for what you have. The more you focus on what you have, the more you will attract what you want. Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions we can feel because it creates a positive feedback loop. It could be something as simple as the sun shining or a good cup of coffee.
Gratitude is the antidote to anger. Gratitude and anger cannot be processed by the brain simultaneously. Thus one of the two must be present. We can experience either worry with other unpleasant emotions or gratitude with all of its positive emotions.
What you give / sincerely/ is yours
What you give is yours. It is a simple law of nature of cause and effect.
Focus on giving love and joy out into the world and watch your life transform.
But the trick here is to give it sincerely with an open heart. If you give something by cutting it from yourself, you experience hidden anger or resentment because cutting hurts. So, give your attention and focus to yourself first so you are able to care for others as well.
13. Have your spiritual anchor
Your spiritual anchor keeps you grounded in your faith and beliefs. It is what helps you to stay focused on your goals and to maintain a positive attitude. When things get tough, your spiritual anchor will be there to help you through. An anchor for the soul can take various forms. It could be a material item like jewelry or a work of art, a poem or a song, a meditation technique, or a religious symbol. Find the main types of anchors and their importance, and choose your anchor type.
14. Consider therapy
If you are feeling overwhelmed, consider the signs of depression: feeling hopeless, losing interest in activities you used to enjoy, sleeping too much or not being able to sleep, overeating or losing your appetite, avoiding social activities, and withdrawing from friends and family, etc.
In this case, therapy can provide tools and strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety. In addition, a therapist can help you understand and work through the emotions holding you back.
Conclusion
To sum up, these are the keystones for building your self-focused life base. I hope this article has inspired you to focus on yourself and your happiness. Put on your oxygen mask first, and breathe before even trying to help others. After all, our life and universe are all about balance: if the energy going out is more significant than the energy coming in, there will be no motion balance. So, keep your internal and outer energy balanced to keep on moving.
I would love to hear from you! Your engagement matters to me more than you think! ---> Comment below and tell me: · How do you focus on your "Self"? · Which strategy or tip are you going to try first? · Can you find some more time for your real "SELF"? Love this post? Pin it / Share it with your favorite people and let's inspire them!
And Remember To
“Feel your heart” to “Fill your heart.”
Step up & EmpoWEr yourself!
Meri Zo