If you feel out of life and the world because you just can’t fit in, find your place, or settle down, welcome to my blog because I feel your pain; I have been there and found the way out, so I can share my road to the exit from that soul-sucking feeling, so stay with me. My story is that I couldn’t figure out what to do with my life: I was paralyzed and stuck in the same inaction or motion loop, a crazy confusing space for over a decade.

I remember when I went to the psychologist exhausted after eight years of feeling embarrassed about myself and my place in life, and he greeted me and asked me: Can you tell me who you are and what you do in life?

I started sadly laughing in tears because had I known the answers, I wouldn’t have been there; I was there to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life finally. I was desperate to find any guidelines on how to live my life, and it took me many years to understand that:

The instruction of life

There is no instruction or manual on living your life, which is the most perfect and imperfect thing about life. So, every single person has to figure this out for himself.

For some people, it is super easy to know who they are and what they want; for example, they decide at the age of six that they want to be a sportsman or a painter, or a video game designer, and that’s it, they take some courses, attend workshops, grow up in their environment, giving life to their goals and turning out to be excellent professionals with early success. 

Well done, but this article is not for them; this is for the second group of people, the late bloomers, who can’t figure out what they want for their life, sometimes for half a lifetime or even more. Or you enjoyed doing a thing, had success, and now you wish to change your course and direction and don’t know where to go. 

What do you want to make out of the time of your life?

This question is your compass and the path of life, your northern star to guide you, your lighthouse to welcome you back from stormy days, and the roadmap to your dream self. It will not be big news if I mention that you can’t have a satisfied and complete life without purpose and meaning. However hard that is, knowing what you want to do is the first step to living a fulfilled life. 

You can only  fight if you know your battlefield.

You can only hit a targe if you have it.

You can only have the fruit if you plant the seed.

But it is often tricky and hard to understand what to do with your life; 

Who can help you figure that out? Where is that omniscient person who will guide you?

There is a Magic Mentor who will tell you what to do.

The good news is that there IS actually a magic mentor who has all the clues to your problems; the better news is that You are that Mentor)) 

Yes, you will crash this question, trust me. You have got this. Google doesn’t know you and your hidden dreams; some guy in Quora doesn’t understand your fears; You are the only person with the answers. Yes, only you!

The seed of your dream is buried here.

You know that the answer is there; it is inside you. The only problem is that as a treasure, it is covered with so many layers of symbolic “dust, dirt, and stones” that you lose connection and can’t see that anymore. 

So, start digging; you have to tap the right spot or sometimes search more profoundly, sometimes in another direction, to see it because it is there, not anywhere else in the world. You already know what you want to do with your life: all I wish for you is to see and notice what you already know better than anyone else, better than Google, your mom, and me.

Give yourself permission to See it, Uncover, and Discover it:

There are three scenarios for this question:

Let’s try to figure out what is your case and scenario. 

I have divided the article into three parts so you can focus deeper on each part. So let’s start with the first one and dig out the answer to your question.

1. YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE OR IDEA OF WHAT TO BECOME AND WHAT TO DO IN LIFE; NOT EVEN AN OPTION.

2. YOU WANT MORE THAN ONE THING, AND YOU ARE STUCK LOOKING RIGHT AND LEFT, UNABLE TO DECIDE

3. YOU SOMEHOW KNOW YOU HAVE A VAGUE OPTION, BUT THERE IS THE “BIG BUT” THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE

The first scenario_ You don’t have any idea or clue on what to do with life.

If you think you are so tangled and confused that you don’t even know what to do with your life and feel disconnected from yourself, let’s go wild and try this first technique.

Brain Storm-Dream Storm technique.

Maybe you don’t remember now, but I am sure you expressed a desire to become someone at least once in your lifetime. So let’s brainstorm and shake every thought you have ever mentioned about becoming somebody or doing something. 

What have you always thought about becoming?

Maybe two years ago, you wanted to become a doctor, and five years ago, an entrepreneur; skip the time period and write whatever has Ever occurred to you on doing or becoming at any point in your life.

Write only the names of the professions or activities without thinking and judgments. Don’t worry about whether or not these things are realistic at this point. For now, shoulders down, breathe out~just let your imagination run wild. Nobody is there, only you working for yourself: your life is waiting for you. 

Write everything possible, and brainstorm till total emptying on colorful stickers or paper. We need a wild storm; write everything that comes without self-editing. You can’t just close your eyes and imagine. You will have to write if you want this to be effective. Start from the present moment and return to your deep childhood as long as you can remember. 

What did you want to become as a child?

This question is the magic portal that will take you to your deepest, most authentic, and forgotten self. When you were a child, you did not have all the limitations of the mind and thought that you could be anything you wanted, so with an open mind, your most natural desires appeared. Later in life, we can forget and have hundreds of excuses about why we didn’t become the dream of our inner child, but it is never too late to return to that genuine first desire. 

The beauty of this freestyle flowing writing is that after the obvious and frequently repeated options, you suddenly start seeing or remembering options that you had forgotten or you never really saw as options. Still, they are there, coming from the storm of your brain. I hope you have done the exercise and you have had some insights. But if you tried and returned with blank paper, let’s go even deeper and darker. 

Look at whom you envy and why

Sometimes you can suppress the emotion of envy because it is unpleasant to admit that you envy someone, and we try to hide those feelings and ignore them as if we don’t own them. However, do you understand that the people you envy most often are those you secretly like and admire? Yeah, in some cases, not pleasant, but it is true; look at those people as the key to your desires. 

Freeing yourself to embrace that feeling of envy will open the door to many insights about what you really want in your life: use these people as an inspiration or a guide to your wish list; maybe you envy someone who earns money traveling and not someone who makes that much money in a 9-5 job in a big corporation. 

Does that say something about you? Here you understand and see not only your need for financial stability but also your need for a free lifestyle. Pay attention to whom you envy and why; you will find the inner child who screams, “I want that too.” Then you can have more clarity on what you want to do in life and move on to the second step of getting that thing. 

You can step up and congratulate them for having whatever you want and ask for advice or some guideline, look at their roadmap, and use them as your teachers, not as a source of negative energy or feeling of inferiority.

Explore your passion and talents

If your first reaction was, “I don’t have any talent,” your resistance may be because you feel like talent is an exaggerated word for your skill. You may believe that talented people are only like Leonardo Da Vinci or Mozart, who are born with incredible abilities to do something in their fields. 

In that case, use another word, like a gift, which will warm your heart and empower you. The inner gift comes to you easily like it is your second nature: there is no pressure, and things flow with little effort. For example, if you are good at public speaking or storytelling, you feel good when you are at the center of attention and don’t understand introverts or people who fear public speaking. 

Or suppose math and solving logical problems were your second nature, and you quickly understand and notice the physical laws. In that case, it is hard to realize that the math equation equals hell for someone, and they don’t even understand the meaning of all those equations. If a poet and a physician look at the rainbow after the rain, do you understand how different realities they see in the same view? Your gift is what your brain focuses on, what comes to you naturally, and you do that with ease.

Talent= gift+ practice+ passion. 

I believe talent is nothing more than a gift nourished by practice and passion. So if you add practice and keep the sparkle of the eyes while doing or speaking about that activity, soon you will notice how people will start defining your gift as a talent. 

Understand your deeper “WHY”

I hope you have already considered some options from the previous exercises. For more clarity, let’s find out each option’s value and meaning to you. All professions give a nonmaterial value that comes out of a specific need. Let’s understand how they make you feel.

Why do you want what you want?

It is important to identify core values that hold your desires.

We don’t like things but like how they make us feel. For example, we don’t want the car; we want the feeling of that special status or freedom. We don’t want the haute couture dress; we want a sense of luxury and exclusiveness. You will begin taking control of your life when you start seeing the underneath values. 

In the same way, we want certain professions because they make us feel a specific thing. For example, your desire to become a ballerina could mean needing attention and feeling beautiful or perfect. It depends on the meaning the person attaches to that activity. Your desire to become a singer, maybe from the need to be admired, to have fame, to be rich, and to buy the house of your dreams.

This consideration is especially important for “Yes, but I am too old, and it’s too late” cases.

Sometimes there can be some age or lifestyle limitations. For example, when you were a child, you wanted to become a professional football player, and now you are over 40, and most players retire after 35-40. So, yes, there is a closed window, which is life; in this case, you can go again a level deeper and understand the why underneath that childhood need. 

For example, when I was a 3-4 little girl, I wanted to become a waitress only to be able to wear beautiful high heels. I probably saw an image on TV of a waitress with beautiful shoes, and the desire was fabricated in my head. In this case, the thing I wanted was high heels, not the profession of a waitress, and the moment that I understood that I could wear any heels I wanted when I grew up, that desire was gone. 

Ask yourself why you wanted to be a professional football player when you were a child; maybe to be flexible or have a strong body, perhaps to have your tribe of guys or a group to belong to other than family, maybe to be very rich and famous and to retire young, etc. find your real why as the first step.

For the next step, think; “What can I do now? What other profession can I choose to get the same “feeling.” Understand your why and substitute your Form of reaching that same Need; for example, if that was for the flexible and athletic body, maybe you could consider the yoga instructor profession, which will give you the same value and feeling only in a different form.

Conclusion of the first part:

These were some exercises and tips on what to do for the first scenario when you need clarification and guidance on what to do with your life. I hope you have had some insights about some forgotten things or you have transformed an essential value into a new life activity or dream job. 

There are so many things to talk about on this topic, which is why soon I will share two more parts for this article:

Part 2: The second scenario: What if you want many things and don’t know which one to choose?

• The analysis paralysis
• Hybrid and Multiple identities
• Overthinking and Decision making

Part 3: The third and the most common scenario- Excuses

• Fear of failure
• Your “Dream Self”
• Your “Big But.”

I would love to hear from you! Your engagement matters to me more than you think! 

 ---> Comment below and tell me:

· What is your scenario? 

· Did you find any insight on what to do with your life?

· Did you feel that there is so much more inside than you previously thought?

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And Remember:

“Your Magic Mentor is You”

“All you need is within you, now!”

Step Up & EmpoWEr Your_Self

Meri Zo